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Military Weddings: The Rules & Etiquette You Should Know

The day you say “I do” to a U.S. service member is like no other day in your lifetime. It is the day you commit your heart, your soul and your sanity to another whose life is completely out of his control. And that lack of control over the rest of your lives together, dear soon-to-be military spouse, is the first concept you must effectively grasp in order to pull off a truly successful military wedding.

Preparation is the second one.

"The best military weddings are the ones that are best prepared,”

A military wedding is dictated more by tradition than strict laws.

Both bride and groom, if each is in the military, have the option of wearing military uniform or traditional wedding attire. Many choose to wed in very traditional military style by wearing a uniform, wording the invitation in proper military form, and including the arch of sabers or swords.

What else do you need to know to have a wedding with the proper etiquette?

In some military weddings, the newly married couple exit the ceremony under an impressive archway of swords, sabers or rifles. This unique tradition is perhaps one of the most defining differences between a military and civilian wedding. It is also sure to rate three tissues for tears of pride.

For commissioned officers, the ceremony is referred to as the Arch of Sabers. Non-commissioned officers and enlisted personnel use a variation of it is known as the Arch of Rifles.

Generally speaking, after the I do’s are exchanged, the bride and groom leave the service and enter the archway lined by honor guards holding the ceremonial weapons. They may stop to kiss and then pass through. Before completing the symbolic safe passage into marriage, the last two members of the honor guard block their journey while one of guards gives the new military spouse a rather un-ceremonial swat on the rear accompanied by words of welcome to whatever branch of service she has married into. You won’t find it written down anywhere, but perhaps those blocked weapons of choice and swat are also quite symbolic of the challenges military couples face!

If the groom is a member of the military, he must wear his appropriate military dress uniform. Depending on his branch of service and whether or not he's a commissioned officer, the groom may decide to wear a saber or cutlass, which must be accompanied by white gloves. The bride stands to his right at the altar (instead of to his left, as traditionally done in nonmilitary weddings) in order to avoid the blade. If the bride is in the service, she has her choice of wearing either her military dress uniform or a traditional wedding gown. Either way, she may hold a bridal bouquet.

* When it comes to the proper dress attire for weddings there are several considerations to take notice of including the season, time of day, and formality of the event. There are pages upon pages in military etiquette manuals defining what they should wear for very formal occasions, daytime formal occasions, evening occasions, etc. With all the information out there the most important thing to remember is to “follow the current version of uniform regulations for levels of dress,”

* If they will be wearing their uniforms, then no, they should not wear boutonnieres. They should, however wear any military decorations they have received. Sorry guys, no flowers for you.

* Titles in invitations: When their rank is captain or higher in the army, or lieutenant senior grade or higher in the navy, a guest's, bride's, or groom's title appears before their name. A lower rank would be listed after their name. For example: Max White, Ensign, United States Navy. Mr. is never used to refer to an office on active duty. Contact the protocol officer at the nearest base or a military chaplain for more information.

* At the reception, if the groom is in uniform, protocol demands that he proceed the bride in the receiving line.The national colors and distinguishing flags may be displayed, exactly centered, behind the receiving line, and if the reception room is large, the bridal couple may want an arch included at the reception instead of during the recessional.

* Another great use of the military sword at weddings is the cake cutting. This is when the groom (or bride if she is military) will take their sword and hand it to their spouse. The bride will hold the sword out in front of her and the groom will place his right hand over hers so that they are holding the sword together. Then the two will cut the cake with the saber.

If your reception will be of the formal variety, seat your military members by rank and title so captains sit by captains and sergeants sit by sergeants. If you are not familiar with military ranks, it’s a good idea to learn the ranks -- or at least the ranks of those attending -- so you can introduce your military guests to the civilians in attendance.

Give your event added flair by incorporating military-inspired decorations throughout. Send out your invitations using your own personalized military wedding stamp (www.artisticpostage.com). Consider placing mini-American flag decorations on the groom’s cake or as centerpieces on the tables at the reception. Plan to have your new husband toss out a camouflaged garter complete with your honey’s (or your) service branch seal front and center, available online.

* **A sad part of military etiquette is honoring service members who have fallen in the line of duty. Remembering them honors their sacrifice and that of their families. It also underscores the importance of the commitment to duty made by the living. At military balls, weddings, reunions and other formal occasions, one beautiful, thoughtful way to honor those who have died is a Fallen Soldier Table. 

Each element on the table symbolizes something specific. 

The white tablecloth draped over the table represents the purity of their response to our country’s call to arms.

The empty chair depicts an unknown face, representing no specific Soldier, Sailor, Airman, or Marine, but all who are not here with us.

The table itself is round to show that our concern for them is never ending.

The Bible represents faith in a higher power and the pledge to our country, founded as one nation under God.

The black napkin stands for the emptiness these warriors have left in the hearts of their families and friends. A Purple Heart medal can be pinned to the napkin.

The single red rose reminds us of their families and loved ones. 

The red ribbon represents the love of our country, which inspired them to answer the nation’s call.

The yellow candle and its yellow ribbon symbolize the everlasting hope for a joyous reunion with those yet accounted for.

The slices of lemon on the bread plate remind us of their bitter fate.

The salt upon the bread plate represent the tears of their families.

The wine glass, turned upside down, reminds us that our distinguished comrades cannot be with us to drink a toast or join in the festivities of the evening.

Brides Across America  (http://www.bridesacrossamerica.com)~ We are PROUD to Support Our Military!